I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
