i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
