There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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