i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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