her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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