I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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