I just saw a hot homeless man
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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