Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
