How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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