I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
