Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
