the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
