I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
