i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize