nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
