I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
