you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
