My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize