sorry about calling you the devil all night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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