Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
