Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
