he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
