I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
