Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just shotgunned beers for America
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
