We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize