If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she smelled like a LAN party
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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