i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
