About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
