her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
