sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
