I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
