Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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