I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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