So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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