Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No subtext here. People are naked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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