Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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