Im at strip club and am horny
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
