Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
