I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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