You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
as a side note pls kill me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
