Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
