do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
