Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
