kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
