My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
