I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
