when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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