Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
