The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize