last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
