The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
