ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
