high people should be assigned attendants
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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