yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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