they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize