dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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