im six kinds of drunk right now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
