You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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