I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
