Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
