He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
