so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
