The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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