I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize