could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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