I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
