Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
