I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
