if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you win again, gameday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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