I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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