I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
