I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize