why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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